Prime Minister Theresa May stands accused of letting the cat out of the bag today after publicly begging her greatest electoral asset, Jeremy ‘jobs first Brexit’ Corbyn to “hold firm on your pro Brexit policy”.
”It’s clearly asked in the credible hope of the complete destruction of the Labour Party before the summer 2019 GE,” our electoral analyst muses,
“Brexit is going to take out both main parties of course, but both leaderships are too blinded by their belief in their own revolutionary righteousness to see that. That said, thanks to the uncertainty principle, who knows what surprising results may emerge, if one crumbles before the other and a GE is called…if could be five more years of Tory rule, thanks to Labour having infected itself with the Tory toxin and dying first. This will likely happen during the article 50 extension period.”
And the Tories have every reason to hope that seven Labour MPs resigning from the Labour Party, for several stated reasons, will not cause Corbyn and chums to change course.
”Who needs red Tory blairite scum anyway? Who needs MPs who question the leader? Jezza never did that! Voters should be made to sign loyalty pledges before voting for Corbyn’s party too. And these are MPs who Labour insurgents have been gunning to put on show trials before kicking them out. People are going to be furious they’ve leaped before they were pushed!”
It’s hoped the show trials may still get to happen, after John McDonnell called on the departing MPs to call by elections.
It’s not hoped any Tories will join the Labour breakaways, as that will cause a number crisis in Westminster that would force Corbyn and May to work openly to deliver Brexit.
”They will be bye bye elections! Ha!” our analyst chuckles, “they’re just self serving scum anyway. Putting their own careers first by calling down the well funded wrath of an entire political party on their isolated heads. What selfish bastards! See how they fare without Len inviting him to his penthouse apartment in the Shard! Elite traitors! They get told their principles these days by head office and a little red book. They don’t decide for themselves.”