Voters travelling to beaches to stick their head in Brexit sands advised to check tide tables

Health and safety watchdogs have issued a public safety directive this evening that any voters travelling to English beaches to stick their head in the Brexit sands should first check tide tables to reduce the risk of drowning.

“As the economic data worsens and reports come in of NHS and farming staff shortages, Brexit voters are increasingly taking the wise decision to stick their head in the sand,” Mr C Aps’ said.

“As a responsible government authority we request they first check the relevant tide tables so they do not drown as the tide rises about them while they are taking shelter from any information that runs contrary to the decision they have invested so much emotion into.”

There are four tides a day, two high and two low, so while it isn’t possible to go full ostrich on the beach the entire time, sufficient periods of ignorance are achievable with a little care.

LCD Views will be assisting voters who maybe unable to travel to a beach by shortly retailing Brexit Bucket and Sand Kits from our online shop, just as soon as we can secure a British sand supplier that supplies sand in red, white and blue patterns.

The buckets will be incredibly flammable should any new economic forecast come into contact with them, so further care is encouraged.

In the interim we encourage our millions of readers to just imagine they are already on the beach experiencing the cold comfort of digging a hole while the water is out and stick your head inside.

While inside be sure to repeat, I won, get over it and if preferable say it in caps.

Stay safe on Brexit sands and remember as you dig, every hole you dig is a hole dug for Britain.

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