LCD Views can report today on rumours that a high ranking British official is being sought for questioning after an unprovoked attack of unintended irony.
The surprise assault is said to have happened in Berlin during an otherwise well mannered evening involving German business leaders and the as yet unnamed British official.
We spoke to colleagues based in Berlin to hear what few details have yet been released to the public.
“It was about 9pm and a silver tongued Englishman, who styles himself as a negotiator of international importance, but who has no visible achievements in the field, took to the podium to offer the gathered business leaders an offer too good to refuse.”
The offer is believed to have been a sizeable portion of the London based financial services sector, countrywide automotive, pharmaceutical, and aeronautical industries, alongside our international reputation and influence, in exchange for accepting an undisclosed sum in the tens of billions from the UK.
Seemingly a very attractive offer.
“But it seems he sensed that his open handed and benevolent offer of continuing friendship was being viewed skeptically by the pragmatic group gathered in the room.”
That’s when it happened. He appeared to drop his disarming smile and lunge at them with unintended irony.
“I’m sure the attack was unplanned. Or if it was, it was not thought through, as he suddenly warned the group not to put politics before prosperity.”
As the official is apparently only able to pretend to high importance solely based on a political project with no basis in reality, and which apparently risks causing mass harm of the mutual kind to shared prosperity, the assault of unintended irony was savage and bruising.
Many were left baffled and wondering how to prevent a repetition.
“He made good his escape soon after. But it’s feared he could strike again without warning. People are warned to be on their guard and make sure the batteries in their bullshit metres are fully charged.”
LCD Views urges our massive global readership to report any sightings of the individual to the nearest polling date and help stop him striking again.