LCD Views’ BIGC (Be in good cheer) correspondent reports this morning on the exciting news out of the North Pole that Santa is to begin tests on a self-driving sleigh to bypass new visa restrictions expected to impact foreign workers after 2019.
“We have to ensure the continued delivery of Christmas presents to the UK regardless of the final deal achieved between the UK and the EU,” Ann Elf told LCD.
It’s expected that special compensation maybe made for Santa as a seasonal worker, and a simple 1,000 page form and a small admin fee of £250,000 is all it will take to obtain his visa to visit from 2019, but,
“We’re not taking that for granted. Only about eleven or twelve Conservative MPs are on the list for presents this year and we expect significant blowback as a result going forwards.”
If the tests are successful Santa is expected to use Christmas 2018 as a live trial of the new AI driven sleigh.
“We’re going to need to replace the reindeers with drones too, in order to get around the expected impact of a possible loss of pet passports.”
Pressed by Nick Robinson of the Patriotic Broadcasting Corporation, during a spot on the Today programme, to confirm that this move is actually a betrayal of Brexit by Santa, Ann Elf attempted to clarify but was spoken over the entire time with words that implied she was a traitor.
“It’s sensible contingency planning,” Ann Elf clarified for a more patient LCD, “we need to ensure British children continue to receive magical presents as the delivery by the parents of real ones, with the darkening economic outlook for the UK, can not be relied upon.”
The self-driving sleigh will still be subject to customs checks at U.K. border entry points as it will at least give the people employed there something to do.
“As long as all the presents have been chlorine washed, I don’t see a problem,” a government spokesman informed us, “but we will be looking under the boot when the sleigh leaves to make sure no one is trying to smuggle themselves out of the UK.”