BBC children’s television programming director was in lockdown this morning after news broke that one of the Beeb’s highest paid children’s television entertainers has been arrested by drug squad officers acting on a tip off from the Daily Mail.
While neither the Met nor Broadcasting House will confirm the identity of the criminal OPERATING A DRUG DISTRIBUTION NETWORK FOR YEARS IN PLAIN SIGHT UNDER THE NOSES OF TAXPAYER FUNDED EXECUTIVES, LCD has it on good authority that the arrested individual is Makka Pakka from the award winning show “In the night garden”.
“It comes as no surprise to anyone who has paid close attention to this seemingly trippy, but harmless, children’s show,” A Scandal, light entertainment correspondent for LCD says, “he visits all the inhabitants of the wood daily on his rounds and they are all obviously off their heads on cake, or worse, crystal meth.”
It appears the Daily Mail inserted an undercover reporter in the production team when they realised the show was the one area of UK life they hadn’t at least attempted to poison.
Makka Pakka’s agent was refusing all calls this morning, but we were able to speak to Upsy Daisy who gave the following statement,
“It’s a relief that he’s finally been collared. I’m into him for about fifty large and I was considering betting fraud, or worse, as the only option to come up with the cash before he broke my legs.”
Although definitely part of something untoward our correspondent is not certain Makka Pakka is anything more than a minor player.
“He’s just a mule,” A Scandal asserted, “I’m pretty sure Igglepiggle is the kingpin of the operation and those tiny folk in the house do the cooking up.”
The BBC has cancelled all scheduled screenings of the show in what has been called a knee jerk reaction.
Well, not all, they’re going to play the episode where Tom Hardy reads the bedtime story on a loop until they have the situation under control, but they’ll be covering his face with a digitally inserted mask to protect his identity.