LCD Views can reveal today that Archbishop of Brexit, John Humphrys, hosted a special prayer service earlier this week with representatives of Team GB.
“They wanted divine assistance,” a typist who transcribes the Archbishop’s daily dictaphone notes revealed.
“We’re not always going to win the running races, or even the cricket, at the games, but we’re promised gold, silver and bronze by divine right in arguing about Brexit and related events. We’ve been practising.”
Suggestions for what the events should be called by Team GB are as follows:
1. How to confuse a Leaver (Team GB says agree with them before asking them for a lift to the next KKK meeting).
2. Brexit Thread Time Trials (how quickly can you get a Brexiter to start insulting you by using three syllable plus words).
3. The White Paper Sovereignty Dash (who can find the passage in the government’s own Brexit white paper that admits we never lost sovereignty. Brexiters, of any nationality, never win this one. Never. They don’t even turn up to compete).
Associated events are ones such as :
I’ve Voted Labour All My Life But I’d Never Vote for Corbyn.
The details on this one are not clear.
It’s thought to be a free for all event depending on your starting position on Brexit mixed with how many people you’ve met in real life who are Russian bots out to muddy the waters of British politics.
But Forgetting Advisory Referendums are Advisory is thought to be a guaranteed gold for Team GB, with most elected British MPs at the top of their game in this field.
The Olympic Committee are yet to respond to the concept, but it’s believed in a rare outbreak of unity all twenty seven other members of the EU are expected to back Team GB’s effort.
“We’re a damn sight better prepared for all these events than any representative of Great Britain,” EU head coach, Michel Barnier, told LCD, “just look at all our piles of paper.”
To add your support to Team GB’s push for Olympic gold start a petition today and forward to a friend. Everyone in our office will sign it!