Manufacturers ordered an immediate halt to sales of Jeremy Corbyn inaction man figures today after the dolls crossed the toy store shop floor to prop up tottering Theresa May ones.
“We couldn’t believe it when we saw it,” shop floor assist Mo Mentum told LCD Views’ Living Dangerously correspondent,
“these aren’t supposed to be battery powered, just wind up ones that shuffle back and forth a bit singing the old Soviet national anthem.
We don’t know how they’re doing it. And we’re buggered if we know why, if we’re honest. Although I’ll personally be calling anyone who says anything critical of the dolls a Blairite.”
The manufacturers were already facing serious criticism for the fact that no fence was included with the JC dolls for people to sit him on.
“The little red book was there. A hammer. A sickle. A scythe. A manifesto commitment to renationalise the railways, something most people can agree on, even Chris Grayling when he’s honest, but no Brexit sitting fence.
People felt short changed, but they were reluctant to return the dolls out of a lingering sense of hope they don’t want crushed.”
But with the sudden awareness that the dolls are capable of supporting others expected to be arch enemies on ideological grounds, sales had to be halted while the makers worked out how to stop it happening.
“Imagine if this sort of thing were to happen in the House of Commons?
Say, regarding some controversial legislation that threatened to potentially reduce the rights of 65M+ people, create economic hardship and all there was to show for it was a blue booklet?
There would be riots if the official opposition didn’t use that moment to get a dangerous and divisive government out of office!”
It’s hoped sales of the dolls will recommence once a way is found to stop the JC dolls supporting the May ones.
“Have you seen the state of the Jeremy Hunt Hospital Play Set?
We can’t update those ones in any satisfactory way until we’ve cleared out the May dolls, but people won’t buy either while JC ones are found next to May dolls. It’s downright scary.”
Asked for comment a Labour Party spokesman replied,
“People are commiting class betrayal by claiming that whoever designed the latest version of the dolls, the more populist, less principled model, don’t know their arse from their elbows. They need to be quiet and get back in line.
Just leave the JC dolls to do what they like. After we seize power we’ll be nationalising toy production anyway and each Corbyn doll will come with a magic Brexit unicorn big enough for you to ride on.”