Professional tub thumper, crap stirrer and all round pile of human bile Nigel Farage has declared Brexit undecided as no one else will give him a job.
“I’ve been down the job centre most days since I won Brexit,” Mr Farage told a reluctant reporter from LCD, “But the computer keeps telling me I’m only qualified for far right rally organising. I don’t really like spending time in small meeting rooms in hotels off motorways.
Anyway, I’m not really a details guy. Organising a rally for fascist amnesiacs, even a small one, is too much admin for me.”
It seems the unemployment issue has come as a surprise to Mr Farage.
“I’ve allegedly been taking money from dubious foreign actors through a complex network of dark money channels.
Apparently that sort of thing counts against you.
I did ask my friend with the big gold lift if he could get me a job on Fox News.
But that was no go because Fox is now weary of sleazy ageing men with a history of infidelity and a reputation for trying to bang much younger women. Which doesn’t describe me at all.”
So left with nowhere else to turn to and increasingly concerned about how he will convince other people to pay him a salary for doing bugger all but stir up hate, Nigel has turned to what he knows best.
“If we can lose, and I’m not saying we can, but if we can lose a second Brexit referendum by a narrow margin, I’ll be in business till the cows come home. We’ll need a third then. Or a fourth, depending on how you count it.”
It’s rumoured he has also secured some cut price billboard space which can be used for vile posters mimicking Nazi propaganda, like he did first time around, so that’s nice too.
Back Nigel, preferably into a corner, it’s the democratic thing to do, and then go and vote. Again.