Exciting news today for the world of print, politics and fact as famed reporter and prominent public servant Boris Johnson has announced he will be hunting down the truth again to make sure it’s dead.
“Some ah, fibblefabbles, have claimed I can’t combine the glorious British tradition of hunting the truth with my duties as foreign secretary of the Kingdom of England. This is sheer ninnybaggle.”
Boris goes on to cite his work with Iran.
“That, um, ah, that lady tourist arrested for writing on postcards, she’s still in prison over there because the government, allegedly, won’t stump up the pots of silver and gold demanded to stop her wasting away in prison. I can continue to vaguely lobby the Shah whilst reading the signs written by truth stool in the sands.”
Asked what weapon he will arm himself with on safari, Boris seemed very enthusiastic.
“I’ve um, adapted, redesigned, reconfigured various facts to kill truth on contact. They’re so twisted and covered in waffle gobble I don’t think even a bull truth fact could survive.”
Boris added that he had managed to combine the job of tour bus operator and part time MP for Somewhere back in 2016.
“Anyone who tells you a man can’t multitask is talking sniffle snoffle. I can go on the road three hundred days a year raffle wrangling the public to a point of near ecstasy with my exhortations to reach the glorious heights of Global Britain 2.0, Imperial Reboot edition, while picking a fight with the Mayor of London because if Trump goes down all the populist, lunatic, narcissistic, self interested spam bogglers like myself go down too by osmosis!”
Boris finished by saying he’d be applying for the job of editor at Breitbart while away in safari, because he’ll have time in the evenings around the campfire.
“And I wouldn’t want to get rusty as a hack. I’ll most likely return to journalism full part time once I resign in disgrace later this year.”
Good luck Bojo. Bag a whopper for us.