Corbyn shock descent from Richard the Lionheart DNA analysis reveals why he’s always away on crusade

LCD Views can report wonderful news from the world of science with the revelation that Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is a descendent of the famous French-English King, and sovereign of England in the 12th century, Richard the Lionheart.

“I’m thrilled,” Mr Corbyn is expected to say when he addresses the matter later on Twitter,

“It gives me something big to talk about that isn’t Brex…I mean, it’s a bit of an ironic twist.

If anyone, you would have thought I’d be descended from Wat Tyler, but then he fought for freedom of movement, so maybe not the best link after all, given I am now apparently against it. Am I against it? What’s our position on things today? What’s Keir said?”

The surprising bit of DNA work came about after Mr Corbyn’s copy of the Virgin Rail timetable was found in a recycling bin and taken away for analysis.

We spoke to Professor Anythin Butt from the Institute of Famous DNA to hear more.

“Well, the lads and I had a few too many whiskies a few weeks back and we thought, wouldn’t it be funny to break into the crypt of Richard I and get us a bit of bone. The idea came about because of that amusing Boris Swiss mummy story.”

It seems they were so tickled by the idea they immediately put momentum behind it and drove to Anjou, France, that night.

“Stage One took a fair bit of guts. I don’t know if you’ve ever driven the last Leyland on the roads down to Dover and stolen a boat? While completely smashed, and then evaded the UK’s last remaining coastguard boat to cross the channel under the cover of darkness? I have!”

It seems they had several contemporary samples which they attempted to match the famous monarch to, but it was JC who won.

“It really makes perfect sense,” Prof Butt said, “now we know why he’s always off on some crusade and not fighting against the one thing that is the greatest current threat to workers, and their livelihoods in UK today.

You know, the Tories political project that is going to make renationalising anything but spit impossible to achieve, because of the chronic economic hardship that will result? But let’s talk about other things.”

He touched the side of his nose then and whispered ‘long game’.

The news is not expected to bring any great comfort to the millions of people though, who are expected to lose their jobs once the Tories succeed in crashing the UK out of both the SM and CU, as is their likely design, while Labour stands by whipping its MP’s in support every time it matters.

But of course no one at all except class traitor yellow Tories will blame Labour when the entire country just suddenly falls off a cliff into civil disorder and asset stripping glory.

Imagine being pretty left wing and aligning yourself with Jacob Rees-mogg and Nigel Farage and Rupert Murdoch on a political agenda that is just steeped in racism and threats to people’s rights? Mad hey! What times we live in.

“It’s just genetic when it comes to JC’s stance on Brexit,” the professor winked, “Nature v nurture. It seems nurture has won out on this one.”

Next he tried to take a hair sample and we left.

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