Boris Johnson’s keynote Brexit speech came with an unexpected twist. He concluded by leading a singalong of Sinead O’Connor’s most famous hit.
Rumours that he had shaved his head especially for the occasion unfortunately proved to be unfounded.
The bittersweet breakup anthem struck a chord with the faithful. It may seem odd that this speech came on the one day of the year dedicated to telling that special someone that you love them. But that’s Brexit, as ever a desperate hash of contradictions.
“Since EU’ve been gone I can do whatever I want!” crooned Boris as the slogan Take Back Control flashed up on the big screen.
“I went to the people and guess what they told me, guess what they told me?” sang Boris, before improvising, “They said, boy you Brexit at a run, no matter what the EU do”.
The audience was hurriedly googling the original lyrics to keep up with Boris.
“I know that living with EU was always hard, so I’m willing to say goodbye!” he carolled, hitting the top notes with ease. “All together now…”
“Coz nothing compares, nothing compares to EU!” chorused the audience.
“Well, that went with a good fibblefabble,” admitted Boris afterwards. “You know when you get to the end of the road with a lover and you just have to end it? Regrets, yes, but you just have to get over it and move on. The Road to Brexit opens up!”
Who’s the new love then, we asked. “We’re going it alone!” he exclaimed. “Brexit means Global Britain means a microwave meal for one and a quick hand shandy in front of Newsnight. Red, white and blue, old chap, red, white and blue!”
And with that liberal, literal interpretation he was gone. We await Theresa May’s versions of Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves and There Must Be Article 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover.