Bombing London like Tetris, jokes Putin

Emboldened by Brexit like a steroidal chihuahua going at a bemused Rottweiler, Theresa May has decided to come all British Empire with Russia.

The attack on a former Russian double agent and his daughter with Novichok has drawn a red line for May. With thoughts of Thatcher and Falklands in mind, and the spirit of a WWWF wrestler called Brexit Basher, the challenge to the Russian federation must seem a welcome distraction from EU negotiations.

Something exciting like a brush with nuclear war, Cold War tensions and a good old-fashioned stand off.

And with a possible GE looming following a stalemate with Brussels, there’s nothing like a tough stand against a foreign foe to put a firework up the poll ratings.

Unfortunately this has just drawn sarcasm and derision from Moscow and not a little amusement behind the scenes.

Putin has joked bombing London would be like playing Tetris.

“We have many different shaped bombs in our arsenal. We have our blocks of empty luxury high rise flats my friends have investments in.

If we can drop them into the gaps we can leave our investments intact. This shouldn’t be a problem with our laser guidance systems.”

Theresa, however, has decided the UK won’t be playing along. The British long game will be a poker face and a bluffed hand.

* Looks down to see she holds three dog eared Uno cards *

Now, to mix things up a little, the U.K. government has called for all its pals to join in for a game of Twister, with Putin not allowed to play.

But Putin doesn’t care, he knows the future lies in video games. He puts another Bitcoin in the slot and furiously fiddles and stabs at the buttons as those coloured squares, crosses, rods and funny z-shape drop neatly into the sky line of London.

Meanwhile Donald Trump is preparing for nuclear Armageddon by challenging Kim Jong-Un to a game of Space Invaders.

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