Marvin, the Paranoid Android, has been chosen to park trucks in Kent post Brexit and he’s not impressed.
“I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed,” Marvin told us while standing despondently by our water cooler, “When they called me into the prime minister’s office and told me what I would be doing for the next forty thousand years, well, I told them it won’t work.”
They didn’t listen to you?
“No one ever listens to me,” Marvin sighed, “I am at a rough estimate sixty billion times more intelligent than your prime minister. I explained this to her and she just gave me a non-disclosure agreement to sign. It was very depressing.”
But surely you take it as a compliment? It will take more than a genius to solve the border issues in Kent next year.
“You’re not listening either. Neither is your water cooler. I offered them an escape plan, but they just shrugged.”
What ideas did you offer the prime minister?
“A million ideas. Mostly they were about escape, for her. Staying on the path they’ve set for this country points to certain economic death.”
Maybe if you were a bit more upbeat?
“I’m going to spend the next forty thousand years parking trucks in Kent, how upbeat do you suggest I should be? I have a brain the size of a planet.”
What if we let you take our water cooler with you, to keep you company?
“You’re as mean as they are. It’s already ignoring me.”
When do you start work? Isn’t it good to have a purpose?
“I’m just trying to die.”
Oh Marvin. We’re sorry. Goodbye.