Donald Trump has signed a few eyebrow-raising executive orders since taking office, but this latest one is the most random yet.
His latest executive order is to change the name of the state of Alabama.
At a press conference he explained his decision.
“Look, Alabama is a great state, almost as great as South Carolina, but it’s just got the worst name, you know? It’s named after Allah and Obama – and you can’t get a worse combination than that, I should know. I’ve had the governor of Alabama calling me ever since I took office, begging me to have the state’s name changed, he’s been saying to me Donald, you’re the greatest president in the history of America, so you’re the one man who can do something about this stupid name our state has, can you please rename it? I’ve had a lot on my plate, you know, a lot of golf to play, a lot of attacks to make on Crooked Hillary and so forth, but it’s always been there in the back of my mind. Finally I have managed to make the time to do this, and the state of Alabama is no more.”
So what has it been renamed to?
Trump was quick to answer.
“It’s goodbye Alabama, hello Donaldchrist. It used to be named after Allah and Obama, so why not change that by giving it the best name in the world, naming it after myself and Jesus, who would really have approved of the name by the way. He would have loved what I’ve done with the place. Jesus would have said to me Donald, you know what, you’re the next Christ. And I’d have told him yes I know, I’m carrying on your good ideas and correcting your bad ones, you know what I mean”
Yes Donald, we know exactly what you mean.
“Because Jesus did get a few things wrong, he was way too soft on people of different faiths. He should have annihilated those Muslims when he had the chance. If he’d done that, I’d be having a much easier time now as president, let me tell you. If the bible had said, and lo and behold, Jesus smote and smote until not a single Muslim was left standing, well, that would have been amazing.”
It would indeed have been a clever trick for Jesus to wipe out a people who didn’t come into existence until over half a millennium after the events described in the bible.
As for Alabama, or rather Donaldchrist, the new name will take effect on Thanksgiving Day, when AL will become – you guessed it – DT.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to the good people of that state.