‪Tony Blair to challenge Jeremy Corbyn for leadership of the Labour Party‬

“You can imagine the fury amongst the faithful members of Corbyn’s handler’s insurgency group Abstention,” our special What’s Labour [Not] Up To Now? correspondent reports, “Owen Jones is going to find Tony T-Bone Blair’s twitter account and organise a pile on. It’s going to be savage. The king of the Blairites doesn’t stand a chance after that. He’ll basically just be rubble and incapable of challenging anyone. At least, not on twitter, he’ll have to block so many accounts he won’t be able to get any tweeting done for hours.”

Why the members of Abstention are so concerned is not clear, given Tony Blair isn’t currently an MP, so unlikely to be able to takeover the Labour Party and remake it into Even Newer Labour, as he couldn’t then be prime minister, so who would vote for him as leader?

Especially as he’s just taking the opportunity to redo his legacy in the heat of national crisis in the hope of wedging in a footnote big enough to obscure his part in a chain of events that led to a pile of bodies that is still growing in the Middle East.

It’s not Jeremy’s fault, for providing the space through deliberate inactivity on the greatest national crisis since the last one.

”Most of the PLP and a good chunk of the membership, they’re so fed up with this cynical long game, Tory Brexit enabling BS, people may just swallow their sick and back Blair to stop the Nazis taking over the U.K. fully,” the spokesman replied in an unguarded response,

“Jeremy can’t survive that. His whole agenda is based on a fence post. And he can survive Lexit, having a net worth estimated in the several million, and thus buffered against the conditions required to birth Lexit and the true Leninist utopia to come after,

”Or Trotskyist, or Stalinist, or Allotmentist, or Jamist, we get a bit lost with the lables. At least we’re not New Labourist. It would be terrifying if we got elected before Brexit. After it with Henry VIII powers and May to blame would be a different matter.”

So you don’t or you do fear Blair?

”We fear getting elected. Why do you think Labour never strikes when May is weakest?”

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