Contract to build Heathrow’s third runway awarded to small girl with Lego

Transport chiefs, having been urged to just get on with it, have announced that the third runway at Heathrow is to be built by a small girl. The extensive tendering process was bypassed in favour of the old boys’ network.

It turns out that the successful candidate, Ellie Copter, is the daughter of a prominent Tory donor. Ellie herself was happy with the news, but preferred to carry on building Lego unicorns. She then made them fight to the death.

Ellie’s parents have been paid a huge fee for her services. This will be wisely invested on cars, homes and holidays, and of course more Lego for Ellie.

Meanwhile, the couple next door, Mr and Mrs Eyre, were fuming. They donate even more to the Tories, and were angry that their son, Ryan, was overlooked. Ryan Eyre tried to go into partnership with Ellie Copter, but the deal collapsed when she refused to share her Lego and he had a meltdown.

“I think it’s a good idea to encourage young entrepreneurs,” garbled Chris Grayling to the BBC’s yes man. “You learn by doing, I have been told, although I cannot vouch for that myself. Michael Gove told me, after too much port at the cabinet Christmas bash, that I was incapable of either. He’s such a laugh!”

Whether Gove was right or correct remains to be seen, but the prospect of a major construction project being run by a six year old child caused consternation in the City. The pound dropped sharply, although many investors were quick to put money into Haribo.

Ellie’s initial design includes crazy paving in primary colours, a couple of dinosaurs, and a house for her unicorns. Grayling described it as “Just the sort of thing I had in mind”.

Construction is expected to begin as soon as Ellie makes friends with Ryan again.

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