British prime minister Arlene Foster was popping the champagne corks and celebrating at 10 Downing Street tonight after she survived a vote of no confidence in the House of Commons.
“Ms Foster benefited from the fixed term parliament act really,” our Westminster watcher, Mrs S Cream, phoned in, “the act was brought into law because David Cameron and his chumocracy chum chums figured they’d need a maximum of five years to gut the Liberal Democrats politically and get us back to a two party system. It also benefits all the crooked and lying MPs who know that it’s unlikely they’ll be turfed out onto a gold plated pension before they’ve properly lined their nests.”
But that rant against the fixed term act aside, Ms Foster has shown just how smart she was to not only employ Theresa May as her deputy, but get Theresa May to pay her in excess of a billion pounds for the privilege.
“If Jeremy ‘fencepost’ Corbyn was not a Brexiter things may have turned out differently in the House of Commons this evening,” Ms S Cream notes, “as there is bugger all chance of any Conservative MPs acting to bring about the downfall of their own government just to watch a bunch of old commies pull off Lexit.”
Ms Foster was expected to have a terrible day, hot on the heels of her deputy’s total thrashing on the WA vote last night, but Mr Corbyn’s cunning, waiting a month to call the No Confidence vote, after Ms Foster was buoyed by winning a vote of confidence in her as prime minister, and now in her government, well, someone has a lot to be thankful for over the quality of opposition they face.”
After the fizz has been consumed and the celebrations died down Ms Foster is expected to get right back to work telling Ms May exactly what she has to do each day if she wants to cling onto her job for another twenty four hours.
“This is why British democracy is the envy of the world,” Ms S Cream adds, before going into a cupboard to scream.