A man whose wife of over forty years won’t agree to an ‘open’ relationship says she will come around to his way of thinking soon enough.
“She’s playing hardball at the moment,” Figel Narage told LCD Views International Matrimony correspondent, “I would say she’s even a bit bullying, since I gave her notice of my intent to open a Tinder account, while still living in the marital home, but that’s just her opening negotiating position.”
Mr Narage is sure just as soon as he’s packed his bags and moved out to his friend Donald’s place on the other side of the pond, that his wife will crack and tell him he can sleep with whoever he wants, just so long as he drops by whenever he wants to sleep with her.
“It’s going to be the easiest open marriage negotiation in history,” Nigel is sure, “and I suspect by the time I’m spending my first night dossing down on Donald’s settee that I’ll have at least forty tinder dates lined up to get cracking with the next morning.”
So far Mrs Narage is showing no signs of cracking though. She’s even gone so far as to explain repeatedly and patiently to Nigel that the moment he’s out of the door she’s changing the locks and he can forget about coming around to drop off his laundry.
“She needs me more than I need her,” Mr Narage shrugs, “it’s just she’s guilty for how she’s been treating me over the years. Like the time she told me I couldn’t go on a golf weekend as it was her mother’s funeral, but I went anyway. Or the time she told me not to get a mullet hair do as I’ll look silly for that job interview, but I did it anyway. She didn’t throw me out then, why would she kick me out of the bed now?”
Mr Narage says he’ll call their marriage, after he’s moved out, a Global Marriage, or Matrimony 2.0, and he’s sure to make a success of it.