Search for Donald Trump’s marbles called off

Donald Trump is angry. Very, very angry. So angry that he tweets with caps lock on and filter off. He sits there, while the detritus of the cheeseburgers he ate a few hours ago tries in vain to depart, and he attempts to remember what he was so angry about.

The FBI has been gathering evidence for some time now. They know what lies behind the empty, impotent posturing and furious rages. The President is sulking because he has lost his marbles and nobody is finding them for him.

“I WANT A WALL AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE COUCH, AND THE TRAITOROUS DEMS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR IT” he typed, his bigly fingers jabbing at his cellphone. Stormy Daniels was able to confirm that his foreplay technique is exactly the same.

FBI spokesman Fell O’Knee gave his analysis. “The POTUS has lost his marbles,” he said. “They must have rolled under the couch again. He wants a battalion of top agents on call 24/7 to retrieve objects that have gone rogue.”

“THE CROOKED FBI IS LETTING THE COUNTRY DOWN, THEY REFUSE TO COOPERATE WITH DIRECT ORDERS! I’M THE GREATEST WORLD LEADER IN THE WORLD BUT THEY TELL ME TO LOOK AFTER MYSELF! SAD!” came the response from the Presidential bathroom. Stormy Daniels confirmed that she also told him to look after himself whenever things mushroomed.

Unfortunately for Trump, stranger things happened. His shooters rolled away, but even the reluctant FBI agents failed to locate them. “I confess, it’s a mystery,” said O’Knee, scratching his head. “But after an extensive search of the Oval Office, we concluded that the POTUS had lost his marbles.”

This is not the first time that Trump has taken his eye off the ball and dropped a couple of bollocks. Stormy Daniels confirmed that she always found it difficult to locate them.

Government has been suspended pending the retrieval of Trump’s treasures. The US government is having a shutdown while the President is having a meltdown.

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