LCD Views can report on a scoop from the tabloid dinosaur world today with the revelation that the Daily Mail is to move to France in preparation for Brexit.
”They spy the lucrative commercial opportunity of whipping Eurosceptic French citizens into a lather over a wave of English economic migrants,” our tabloid specialist reports, “there’s gutters to rake in France and they’re off to rake, dredge and snipe from them.”
It’s believed the editorial policy will be classic Dacre, with little of the recent burst of, well, occasionally not quite insane, once or twice. but mostly still mental trash, line taken in England in the post Paul era.
”They’re going to promote anti-vax theories heavily, to build on their work in this field in England in the early 2010’s. They’ll compare every warning on anything to the unnecessary fuss about the Millennium Bug, they’ll run a campaign to get the Chunnel turned into a mushroom farm too, but otherwise it’ll be wall to wall outrage over British economic migrants coming to steal French jobs from French taxpayers.”
They could go hard over health tourism of benefit scrounging English too!
”Oh, they’ll be plenty of that. Alongside pointing out that once the failing EU superstate is defeated by the international conspiracy of Russian kleptomaniacs and sociopathic, feudalist US billionaires, how much freer everyone will be.”
Free to warm their hands around bins on fire in the street? While looking at the murals of Theresa May on every street?
”Shhh. You’ll ruin the surprise.”
So. I presume they’ll be launching a French language version of their news website too?
”They already have! It focuses daily on how the English saved the French all on our own in WW2. It doesn’t report on anything else.”
And how much will the French Daily Mail cost?
”Just thirty pieces of silver, each and every day. Exactly the same as the English version.”