May cast as a deranged and reclusive political agent in ‘X Files’ spin off

It seems now that now nearly all cabinet ministers in the current government have lined up lucrative non-exec board positions for the moment they quit politics after Brexit, one of the key characters in the UK’s political psycho-drama has a different plan up her sleeve.

LCD Views has the exclusive scoop on the unverified rumour that principal antagonist in the Brexit farce, prime minister Theresa May, has a plan to take her skills into the world of acting.

“She acted the part of a remainer with total conviction and believability in 2016,” casting agent Paul Hollywood told us over cake, “and then she was able to completely flip her motivations to play the role of a leaver with the conviction of the genuinely insane. She can take on her role as a reclusive and deranged political agent in ‘The Brex Files’ with ease.”

Key to the drama on the screen will be Agent Mayhem’s twin search.

”Her colleagues call her ‘Maybot’, because she’s actually an android struggling to become human, and failing. But her other obsession in the series is the search for a technological solution to the Irish Border, to replace the backstop agreed with the EU. Something only extraterrestrials currently have the capacity to produce.”

Other key players from recent British political history will also feature in the cast.

”Nigel Farage has been cast as a shadowy, chain smoking, trench coat wearing pain in the ass called ‘Fagash Throat’. He appears now and then to offer absolute bollocks as advice.”

Boris Johnson is rumoured to also have a part in the pilot episode?

”That’s right. He plays the role of a maniacal government man who ruins the entire civil framework and economy of a country attempting to build a bridge from SW1 to Riyadh. But agent Mayhem thinks he has a secret that can help her solve the border problem, so she pretty much let’s him do whatever ruinous crap he wants until he finally gives up and goes away.”

That one is straight art imitating life.

”Oh, I wouldn’t expect much art.”

What should we expect then?

”A lot of loose bowels and no answers.”

‘The Brex Files’ premieres at 10pm on the 29th March 2019 on all streaming services located near to a toilet.

Grab your popcorn and settle in, but you may also like to stockpile some medicines too.

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