Woman regrets slashing police numbers so hard now she wants to create a police state

LCD Views has had a peek again into the mind of a woman who features prominently in our reporting, by virtue of rumours that say she’s the British prime minister, to see what’s uppermost on her regret list today.

“Is it creating the hostile environment?” our errand boy asks, charmingly, while loading himself up with print copies of our paper.

No. It’s not. Now get back to work!

“Is it her appalling indecision when faced with the Grenfell tragedy?” our collage creator wants to know. So naive.

Not a chance.

“Is it letting Boris Johnson singlehandedly do more to destroy the credibility of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office than letting Eden decide to create a garden in Suez?” asks our office pot plant contractor (who know we had one?!).

Not on your nellie. Although that’s somewhere on the short list. Now dust that aspidistra.

“Is it punishing the poor for being poor?” our resident mountain climber shouts down from on high.

Don’t be ridiculous. Say something that plain ignorant again and you’re fired! Mind the ledge!

“What about deporting people irrespective of place of birth purely based on a skin colour chart?” our head editor enquires.

You need more coffee mate! That’s clearly not even on the list. Although it’s clearly now government policy. To our deep and enduring shame.

“Is it regretting slashing police numbers so hard now she wants to create a police state?” Orange Searchlight puts his hat into the ring.

We have a winner. And we didn’t even know he still worked (voluntarily, like everyone) here.

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