Customs checks out as U.K. Gov throws up its hands and gives up at Dover

Global Britain is on the march (-ing powder) with the latest genius wheeze from the creators of open borders, no one ever said anything about controlling them Brexit U.K.

”When we said take back control of our borders we actually meant open ourselves up like the most clueless debutant at a coming out ball jammed full of vampyres looking for a neck to suck,” junior home Office Minister Mr Feckin’ Clueless told LCD Views,

“think of the bargains you’ll get on guns, drugs, cheap labour now we’ve introduced an honour system for Dover?

”I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before! Stocks in organised crime are already booming. Of course Brexit is organised crime, but now we’re opening up the opportunity to people who don’t have money in tax havens to cash in too. People who just want to have a good time and forget about how we’re shafting the country senseless.”

The new policy, which relies on trust from importers, is not only a boon for organised crime, but will mean cheaper nights out for all scallywags.

”I think it’s safe to say this is a key part of our strategy to win back the support of professional twentysomethings and youth in general too,” the addled minister added

“once upwardly mobile professionals realise that they’re chances of retiring in the Mediterranean maybe stuffed by Brexit, but they can score buckets of white goods for half the price they were on March 28th, they’ll be back voting Tory before you know it.”

The only potential snag in the problem is if French customs officials decide to increase checks at Calais for goods coming into the U.K.

”I wouldn’t worry about that,” Mr Feckin’ Clueless MP said, “the diplomatic tour de force currently being waged by Theresa May’s government will ensure all trucks are fully checked in at least one direction.”

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