MPs caught in drug use scandal! Fears democracy is being pawned off to pay for out of control habits!

LCD Views can report today of fears that hundreds of Westminster MPs have been caught up in a drug use scandal!

“There are genuine and real fears our democracy is being pawned off to the lowest of the lowest bidders as out of control MPs desperately try and pay for their worsening junk habits,” our political junky correspdoent says,

“once an MP starts using Brexit there is often little hope of them turning their life back around. You can forget expert help. A fear of experts goes with the useage. And like all heavy users don’t even bother trying to get them to face day to day reality.”

It’s believed the path to Brexit use often starts differently, depending on the initial political affiliation of the at risk user, but they all end in the political gutter.

”You know a heavy user. They’re obvious. They call for tighter controls on migrant labour, that we’re losing our national identity, which is the percolation of a country built by a vast array of influences globally over millennia, and that we need to be able to universally terminate the only legal guarantee that Brexit use won’t lead to a return of sectarian violence in Northern Ireland.”

It’s believed for Conservative Party junkies it’s a process of increasing dosage which leads to a perpetual mania.

”You know what it’s like. First you get a buzz making the man on the street pay for the mistakes of your mates in casino finance,

”You get a kick out of passing laws that stigmatise the most vulnerable,

”A little bit of NHS privatisation gets your rocks off. But then you get jaded and you want something harder,

“That’s when the pusher, identified by Westminster sources as Fagashface appears, offering you a bit of full blown xenophobic, toxified nationalistic, neoliberal, rights and tax rate smashing powder, or Brexit as it’s called on the street.”

But what about Labour MPs? Enough of them are now addicted to Brexit too, regardless of what it’s doing to people’s livelihoods and the risk to cooperation and peace across Europe.

”They’re a weird mob. Mostly stuck in a 70’s timewarp. Brexit use is nostalgic for them too. Maybe we can still have the Revolution comrade, if we can just turn back the clocks? Maybe Lexit, a twin substance to Brexit, can do just that? But once they’re hooked they’re done for too.”

How do you know if a Labour MP is a user?

”Jobs first Brexit, that’s the giveaway, each and every time.”

LCD Views urges our elected representatives to get a grip and get clean before they sell the shirts off our backs to pay for their habits. Remember, if you are considering recreational use of Brexit, there is no safe dosage and the needle is never clean.

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