No leaping allowed! Activated activists demand MPs wait to be pushed

LCD Views has our ear to the trembling railway line of internal party politics today and can report on fury vibrating down the line in from the direction of both main parties.

“It’s important firstly to understand that we are NOT A CULT!” Abstention cult member Mr S Heap told us,

“we merely insist on total, unquestioning loyalty to the divine leader whose amazing powers will lead us all to utopia if we JUST BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH IN HIS MAGICAL POWERS!

“In spite of all evidence to the contrary and his own actions. He has not yet managed to topple the worst, most toxic and incompetent government anyone can remember, not because he wants Brexit and a massive chunk of the electorate will never back anyone who wants that, but because of a conspiracy between the MSM and the MPs the MSM hates for being against Brexit.

“It’s not because he is a follower and not a leader. And if you don’t agree with me you can f off and vote Tory. That’ll show you! That’ll show the Tories too!”

Belief is of course key to any successful political operation and Abstention members have it in spades.

“The very fact that those traitors who have been undermining our attempts to undermine them for their ideological impurity for years now are considering forming a new party just underlines why they should wait until we’re ready to deselect them. Stand still and be pushed by the people who despise you! Show your loyalty. Allow us our show trials and ideological fury! Warm your hands around the bin fires with us that herald the dawn of revolution!”

And Absention members aren’t the only ones mad at MPs who may not wait until complete economic calamity, and the associated breakdown in civil society overcome the UK (thanks to the looming success of the hard right takeover of our executive, i.e. Brexit day), before acting.

We also heard from a Leave activist who was pretty much eating his own lips off in rage at the rumours that MPs he’s been bombarding with misogynistic hate and fascist propaganda may also be considering getting out of the party under infiltration, before the complete collapse.

“They must stay in the CONservatives and wait until we drive them insane,” Mr B Iffer SHOUTED,

“only a traitor would dare to lessen the power of a power crazed executive! A government executing the designs of a far right, tax dodging, feudalist mob hell bent on turning the UK into a sweatshop tax haven, as part of the strategy to undermine peace in Europe and fracture it all back into little chunks modern day barons can squabble over,

“Leave doesn’t mean leave until we’ve finished leaving!”

And meanwhile the rest of the country waits for MPs to leap, pickaxes in hand, and start hacking up the concrete that’s been poured all over the ground inbetween Brexit and Lexit (it’s actually a tiny space of ground).

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