EU willing to risk hard Brexit to remove woman’s FOM

Theresa May has gone further to please the ERG this week than even Jeremy Corbyn with news out of Brussels suggesting the EU is now willing to risk a hard Brexit.

”It’s to stop Theresa May turning up every week driving everyone batshit crazy,” our Brussels correspondent says,

“if they can get the U.K. to crash out then that’s a way to remove her freedom of movement. It’s the only way to make her stop coming to Brussels.”

It’s understood the EU is also drafting new legislation to make it virtually impossible for British prime ministers to cross the channel after Brexit.

”This is seen as one of the greatest dangers of any Brexit but a total severance of all ties,” our correspondent adds,

“if there is any sort of deal between the U.K. and the EU once, or if, Brexit actually happens, then it’s never going to stop. It will consume entire careers. EU leaders would much rather be focusing on which of the states have governments already bought by dark money, like the UK’s, and working about how to deal with the rot, instead of having to entertain prime ministers from England for years demanding cakes they don’t deserve.”

Theresa May is expected to be surprised by the move by the EU to force the U.K. out with no deal.

”She expects them to save her bacon at the last moment,” our man shrugs and adds, “but to be frankish, everyone over here has had a gut full of British ham byproducts. They’d much rather May just stayed home from now on.”

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