Great change is underway at the House of Commons today after it was announced that a yet to be specified number of Tory MPs are believed to be moving to Moscow.
“It’s part of a new power sharing initiative between Downing Street and the Kremlin,” our CONservative Party insider whispered, “that began with Brexit. But the move is really nothing more than a rumour at the moment, wait until the official press release. The Tory MPs on the move will retain their constituencies in the UK, on order of President Putin. But don’t print that either, yet. Although the list of MPs is freely available, just not if anyone asks for it.”
We won’t print a word of any of this. You have our word, as solid as the ass of the ERG.
And even if we do print your whispers, we’ll say this is an unsubstantiated rumour.
This is an unsubstantiated rumour from a fictional source inside the Conservative Party. Make believe. A mind experiment in what if’s?
“Excuse me?”
Turn your hearing aide up, fictional 1950’s, cartoon, elderly person.
“What?! Did you ask what the average age of a Tory party member is?”
Here, have this ear horn and let’s get on with the article.
“That’s much better, thank you. The move is expected to save the Russian Federation substantial money too, as now emissaries from the Kremlin won’t have to be flown to the UK to play tennis matches, in order to allegedly compromise chosen MPs with foreign money, but can be paid directly in the currency of their choice at their new place of work.”
What’s the new place of work again?
“The Duma.”
Some would speculate that many Brexit backing MPs have been working there since at least 2010, but we certainly wouldn’t. And at least with dozens of Tories working from Moscow going forward, there will be room for more MPs to take a seat at Westminster. And just maybe a few Labour MPs will go too…
*the inclusion of JRM in the image is in now way an attempt to suggest he works for the Kremlin. He just apparently has interests in banks in Russia.