University of Life comes bottom of the academic league table AGAIN

The latest academic league tables have been published, and there are few surprises. Oxford & Cambridge colleges dominate the higher end of the UK’s education establishments as ever, and also, once again, the very bottom spot has been taken by the same centre of learning that has come bottom for the last twenty years, the University Of Life.

The University of Life has earned this dubious distinction every year since it was granted its royal charter in 1994, and for a quarter of a century has shown itself to be anything but a centre of academic excellence.

The results have caused huge outcry among its alumni.

“I just don’t understand it,” says graduate Art Thorpe. “I got my degree here in the 90s and it’s got me where I am today.”

The reaction of the unemployed, Brexit-voting Mr Thorpe, 52, is typical of all the university’s former students. Not a single one could be found who wasn’t outraged at the result. Moreover, not a single one could be found who could correctly spell “outraged” – or “university” come to that.

Rumours have been afoot for a while that the university may be subject to a detailed OFSTED inspection, with the possibility of it losing its royal charter.
The University of Life is still the only university in the whole of the UK with no minimum entry requirements. On the contrary, it has a maximum entry requirement, anything higher than a D in your A-levels automatically disqualifies you from attending. Indeed, A-levels themselves are frowned on, and even GCSEs are treated with skepticism.

I tried to gauge the reaction of the teaching staff at this news, but unfortunately could not find a single man or woman who has ever taught at the establishment.

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