A woman in a position of power to do exactly what she says, it seems, is to give a Valentine’s Day speech tonight which includes the promise to screw our entire country, and hard.
“They’re won’t be any butter either,” our SNAFU analyst adds, “mostly because it will be melting out the back of a gridlocked truck, broken down after being stuck idle at a hard border somewhere.”
The exact way in which she will promise to screw the country is believed to entail a game of chicken mashed up with twister (don’t ask how, this is Brexit) that everyone has to play. During this game she will steer the UK headfirst at reality and demand reality gets out of the way. It won’t.
“It’s going to be messy,” our analyst says, “a simple hot shower won’t get all the bodily fluids resulting from the screwing off. This won’t be a lipstick on your collar type thing either. This is a full blown, hard fist right into the backside of the UK.”
Whether or not gloves will be worn during the event is not yet clear.
“It’s not even certain she really intends to screw the entirety of the UK,” says our analyst, “but when you consider the flatline in FDI, the departing industries, the alienation on the world stage, the rent a fascists on our streets seemingly allowed to do as they like, the refusal to investigate all the crime involved in the Brexit campaigns and the fact that that little prat is Williamson is being allowed to pretend to be a general, I’d say we’re pretty well f*cked already. Some of us just don’t know it yet.”
Videos of a good hard Brexiting can be found on the dark web. We advise you delete your browser history after viewing though. Oh, and you’ll probably go blind if you go there. Happy Valentine’s Day.