Chernobyl and Fukushima front runners for location of melting down House of Commons during Westminster refurb

The House of Commons, that mother of parliaments, is to become a truly global British institution later this summer as it moves in its entirety, so internal works can be carried out on the Palace of Westminster.

“The whole show is in meltdown anyway,” UK’s Deputy Prime Minister Anton Chekov told LCD Views, “it’s thought it’s best to move it to a location that actually has containment systems in place. For that reason Chernobyl and Fukushima are front runners. My preference is unsurprisingly Chernobyl, as it’ll be a shorter distance for MPs to travel to take ‘donations’ from figures closely associated with the Russian government.”

The reasons for the move are obvious, but not necessarily those already given in the press.

“It’s not because it’ll be faster and cheaper to refurbish the old palace with the MPs safely out of the way,” Mr Chekov says, “it’s because the commons is now so toxic it’s thought best to get it out of the UK itself before the contamination  spreads to the surrounding countryside, and the winds carrying it all over.”

But critics of the move say it’s too late anyway, as treating a split result in an opinion poll a few years back now as a mandate from God to shaft the entire country senseless will take more than a symbolic geographical shift to sort out.

“I’ve some sympathy with that view,” Mr Chekov said, “as healing the country will take serious political leadership from the two main political parties in England. And there’s sod all sign of that coming currently. The Tories are going into further meltdown and Labour are currently denying there’s any fallout at all from attempting to be all things to all people for cynical party political reasons, when what is needed is for actual alternative leadership offering a way out of the crisis. This they are not providing. Which is a shame. Very much a missed opportunity that the future will shortly damn them for.”

A final choice of location will shortly be made by the authorities.

“Chernobyl is best,” Mr Chekov nodded, “the EU helped organise a long life containment shelter, along with the Ukrainian government, to stop the reactor spreading toxicity about the continent. Having to sit inside it will make the Brexit MPs go red in the face faster than the leaking radioactivity.”

https://www.ebrd.com/what-we-do/sectors/nuclear-safety/chernobyl-shelter-fund.html

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