Clarity at last for Britons anxious that important ministries should have frequently updated, accurate names, with the announcement that DExEU is to be renamed DExExEU (Dept for Extending the Exit from the European Union).
”It’s great! I’ve got a job at a ministry,” James Cleverly cleverly told us, “they gave me a box to move my things over to DExExEU even! They said I could get an Uber! You have to be sharp to work there. Think of who went before me? Davis, Raab, Barclay, it’s like a roll call of genius.”
It’s believed the first duty of James, before he gets down to overseeing the stockpiling of localised famines (in a really smart way), will be to tell the other people at DExExEU that they need to change the official office paper to reflect the changed name.
”Extending is bigger,” James knows, we’re not sure if Dominic knew though, “it’s bigger than not extending. That’s what we’ll be doing now. We’ll be extending our exit from the EU!”
James replaced another genius, Chris Heating-Hams, who resigned from the ministry for a reason everyone has already forgotten, so we can’t tell you why.
”It’s going to be really busy now we’re extending our exit as part of the exit process. I suspect the new longer broom I’m bringing in will see people work for the first time. I’m actually quietly hopeful Barclay will get himself trapped in a revolving door and I can get the top job and be an actual Secretary of State, even though my short hand isn’t that great.”
So what will he do after he tells his new colleagues of the ministry’s name change?
”I think mostly they just go to the pub? The office culture was set by David Davis, you know him, there’s a statue of him as an SAS soldier in his garden. I’m going to enjoy just going to the pub. I hope the extensions are extended! Imagine that? I reckon this ministry is going to be here for a while yet. Well, before it’s called DreEU.”
What’s that?
”The Department for Remaining in the European Union, of course.”