I’m only talking to Corbyn because I’ve pulled all the other Leavers of power, admits May

Theresa May is clinging to power by the skin of her teeth. Getting into bed with the enemy, Jeremy Corbyn, is a last desperate stunt before reality finally closes in.

Corbyn is involved because Brexit is a cross-party policy, and the Conservative Party is very cross indeed.

The Tory party’s normal negotiating technique, which is to make a catastrophic decision, profit from the chaos, and bugger off (see every privatisation, ever) has not worked this time. The EU has failed to roll over and allow the UK to behave like a spoilt child. Hence the need to involve Labour to increase May’s leverage.

May’s statement, as usual, contained a good deal of ambiguity. In order to muddy the waters even further, May made a statement from her boudoir.

“I’ve pulled a lot of Leavers in my time,” claimed May in her coquettish way, from the sofa, which looked easily big enough to shag on. “I pull them on to the team, and then I pull them off again.”

Principal among the Leavers May has pulled is Boris Johnson. May pulled him from the team long ago. Boris took one for the team, but the sofa allegedly still bears the stains.

Pulling Corbyn is a transparent attempt to pull the wool over Labour”s eyes. Have her way, call a general election, resign, and leave Jeremy holding the baby. Pull a fast one.

But all this Leaver pulling has not impressed the EU. “A lever normally makes a hard job easier,” commented EU spokeswonk Di Namix. “British Leavers have, instead, thrown spanners into the works. Jacob Rees-Mogg is a typical British lever: long, thin, rigid, but screws everything up, because the EU machinery is metric and Mogg is Imperial.”

Reality, meanwhile, is waiting in the wings alongside a fat lady vocalist. They are unable to take centre stage yet because the elephant in the room has grown to an enormous size.

 

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