BREAKING : Rumours are coming through of a ferocious row breaking out between the executive diplomatic staff of Downing Street and the amateurs at the Élysée Palace, ahead of a planned visit to the Palace from a temporary British prime minister.
We asked our Paris correspondent to tell us what is behind the sudden furore.
“The latest source of contention appears to be focused on the Macrons’ intention to welcome Theresa May to Paris by singing the famous ABBA smash hit ‘Waterloo’, a link to the song is included below,” our correspondent reports.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FsVeMz1F5c
So what’s the problem? It’s a cracking tune and well loved in Blighty, being as it is a strong reference to British imperial might. It also shows a touching deference on the part of the French.
“It seems the Macrons have modified certain of the lyrics to personalise them for the woman who believes she’s still British prime minister, even though overnight reports say it is now Yvette Cooper, and that isn’t going down at all well.”
But Macron has a reputation for being suave diplomatically, how has he gotten this wrong? Clearly the French are all thumbs compared to the current British regime, but still?
“It’s not clear he has made a mistake, unless it’s to be too honest. The problem surprisingly appears to focus on Ms May’s unflinching position over how the Macrons have modified the following line:
‘And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way’,
to,
‘And YOU have met YOUR destiny in quite a similar way’,
This will not do at all. This is because it is Ms May’s destiny and she is determined that the possessive, first person pronoun be used. Because it is hers. And she wants it.”
Well that seems reasonable, the surrender after all, does belong to Ms May.
“Quite. Ms May is also adamant that the following line,
‘The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself’,
This is too personal an insult and she is insistent it is removed from the song completely or she will not listen to the performance at all. Additionally changing all instances of ‘Waterloo’ to ‘EU’ is just rubbing salt into the wound. Ms May has drawn several new red lines.”
So is there any hope of a breakthrough before Ms May arrives at the Palace this afternoon?
“Of course. Ms May will just rub out her red lines as if they never existed, as she is prone to do, and give the Macrons a standing ovation with the classic line ‘Waterloo means Waterloo and Waterloo means EU’.”