Paul Nuttall becomes leader of Brexit party after Farage quits second day

LCD Views has encouraging news for people worried about the leadership of The Brexit Party, after the first leader stood down after revealing herself as an awful effing racist on social media. And to be too racist for a Farage vehicle, well, that’s some heavy duty racism right there.

But there is nothing to worry about. The leadership of the Brexshit Party is in good hands, even though Nigel Farage has just announced he is stepping down with immediate effect.

“Paul Nuttall is to become leader of The Brexit Party right now,” a Brexit Party insider told LCD Views, from the vantage point of their sewer, “he will easily combine running the newest force in British politics with being President of the United States, CEO of Tate & Lyle and Chief Editor at The Telegraph. He really can multi-task.”

But why has Nigel decided to stand down so quickly? He only just launched the party’s EU election campaign?

“He’s been offered a job working on a cross party initiative for both the government and Labour.”

He’s going to help solve Brexit?

“Don’t be stupid! There’s no solving Brexit! It’s supposed to be a country demolishing catastrophe, that’s how everyone involved gets rich! Including the multi-millionaire, career politician and inheritance millionaires running Labour. No. Nigel has bigger fish to fry.”

Which are?

“Well someone has to come up with a new policy to unite both the major UK political parties over once they deliver Brexit, which of course was the only reason for UKIP existing, and why Farage jettisoned it. Imagine that, nearly three years after allegedly using private polling to make a killing on the markets during the EU ref, and both the Cons and Labour are still trying to deliver on it. It makes you wonder, doesn’t it.”

Well, we all know the Tories can’t be trusted, but Labour have no choice but to go along with the lies, or they’ll lose their electorate. They can’t just spend day after day exposing the criminality and bullshit. That’s hardly the job of a party that wants government.

“Who wants government? No one wants government.”

This is all getting a little bit confusing.

“Once we’ve all finished destabilising the United Kingdom and eroding all trust in its political system, then we’ll want government. Nigel will be helping work on that and going by his speech the other day, we know he’s looking back in time for inspiration. Paul’s just taking over the Brexit Party because he’s a fucking muppet.”

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