LCD Views can report encouraging news today for countries suffering fire calamities with the announcement that Donald Trump is to launch “Drumpf Fire Fighting Consultancy – we comment while watching things burn”.
”The commentary will be Twitter based,” an insider involved in the Donald’s latest wheeze revealed, “as Mr Trump offers expert commentary on the fighting of fires of all kinds in real time. We expect his advice will really fan the flames.”
And how much will Donald charge for his advice?
”Initially the service will be free,” the insider said,”the first tweet on any fire is offered gratis, with only a discretionary sum requested, to be lodged in any number of offshore bank accounts.”
And after the initial tweet?
”Well, there will be a sliding scale. The longer any party receiving Donald’s unsolicited fire fighting advice ignores it, the more the Drumpf Co will charge. So best to take 45’s first insane suggestion and act fast. That way you can minimise the damage.”
This really is too good to be true.
”Yes. And there’s more. Everyone receiving the unsought consultancy will receive a free Drumpf branded rake. This will put you in the driving seat in any inferno.”
But what about suggestions from critics that Mr Trump should simply stfu and let actual expert authorities handle the fire fighting?
”You mean rather than distracting resources in an emergency to fend off the nonsense from an old man who clearly knows sod all about fire fighting, but is tweeting away regardless?”
Something like that.
”Don’t even try it. You can’t retard Trump when he’s burning up twitter. If you try he’ll just get hot under the collar.”
We look forward to seeing Trump in action the next time there’s an emergency.
Drumpf Fire Fighting Consultancy – a Twitter based inferno of idiocy, burning America’s reputation to the ground.