The Indian army is taking some totally anticipated mocking in its stride (up a mountainside) today after claiming to have taken photographs of the abominable snowman’s footprints.
“It’s clear the overly large footprints belong to an abdominable man,” Professor Yeti, reader in Freak Shows at Thornton Heath University, told LCD Views, “a man that gets many people’s abdominal regions in knots, leading to feelings of anxiety and nausea, but to claim he is made of snow is just far fetched.”
While no actual photographs of the individual who left the footprints were taken, we asked Professor Yeti to compare them with footprints left all over the UK’s political landscape by a well known Anglo-American politician, with Turkish ancestry, currently a leading voice in a racist political project in Blighty.
”Wow,” Professor Yeti said, “I didn’t really expect that if I was honest. I assumed the MP concerned would have been geographically confined to the largely mountain free region of Uxbridge and South Ruislip on constitency work. This is a surprise.”
It’s a match then?
”Totally. No doubt. Couldn’t be more of a match between the prints. This just makes the Indian Army’s claims more ludicrous. The abominable blonde British man in question is no snowflake. He’s moved far too right wing for that. Although it could be argued I suppose he’s responsible for an avalanche of shite across the political landscape, but then, that’s the wrong colour.”
In response to the findings of Professor Yeti we sent an urgent request to Boris Johnson’s constituency office to ask what he was doing on a secret trip to India earlier this month? And whether or not anything occurred that should be declared in the list of member’s interests. We are yet to receive a reply.