NO COUNTRY FOR TINY HANDED MEN : President (seriously America) Donald Trump took to Twitter today to express his shock at finding only two old ladies live in England.
”Not many people know this,” POTUS tweeted, “but let me tell you, because no one else will tell you, England is not what they want you to believe. The fake news won’t tell you. Only two old ladies live in England. The capital of Limey Land is empty.”
Trump went on to reveal he’d discovered that even the two old ladies inhabited no go zones.
”It’s like they say on FOX. You can’t go anywhere. And if you do, there’s nobody there anyway. Sad. So sad. They let so many illegal immigrants in everyone left. Even the ILLEGALS!”
Responding to the tweet thousands of people attempted to explain that there are millions of people living in England, but 45 is so despised no one is allowed within blocks of his presence. Except for the two old ladies, and they don’t have a choice in the matter.
Theresa May because she was stupid enough to invite him over in the first place, and the Queen because a curious definition of duty implores her to entertain whoever the occupant of No 10 is stupid enough to invite over, should that person be a deplorable like Donald Trump.
But all was not lost for Trump.
”The really old lady has lots of gold. So much gold. You never seen so much gold, unless you’ve been lucky enough to ride in my lift. I’m going to sell her chicken,” he added, “just the greatest chickens. So clean. So, so chlorinated. And then I’ll build a wall around the old ladies and call the really old one’s home Trumpingham Palace. So much harm. I’m pure ham? Who knew!”
We knew Donald. We already knew.
His visit continues and while it does the people will continue to be kept out of view.