GO WHISTLE : Global Britons need have no fear today as the U.K. shortly embarks on its next premiership, with the oh so slow sinking of the bad ship Mayhem, as supporters of hot favourite Boris Johnson say they’ve priced in all his noteworthy qualities.
“We’ll be alright Jack, don’t worry about us,” a gaggle of Tory inheritance millionaires told LCD Views, “we didn’t get to where we are today by dint of the accident of birth. Hard work. Graft. More Graft. A lot more graft. And even more graft got us here as buoyancy aids to the most feckless and untrustworthy man in British politics. And given the shower in Westminster currently, that’s saying something! Trust us to profit whatever happens.”
And whatever happens is highly likely. Mr Johnson doesn’t have a reputation as a details man, rather the opposite. And he doesn’t have a reputation for honesty. And he doesn’t have a reputation for loyalty. And he doesn’t have a reputation for the degree of blood, sweat, toil and tears that Brexit Britain would bring.
“Lazy, feckless, dead cat on the table PM? Yes please,” the supporters chorused, “just like Donald Trump in the White House, everyone will be so distracted by all the chaos and outrageous comments that they won’t see what we’re up to behind closed doors. Look at the Boris show! Be appalled! Be surprised. Watch as the NHS gets privatised.”
But what of the chance that Boris as PM will read the impact papers of Brexit and decide he’s not doing it? He’s got the brass neck for any sort of policy reversal. He hardly wants to be the PM who breaks up the UK.
“Then it’ll all be May’s fault. The old fool. She’s the Brexit patsy forever. Job done. Off you trot. Don’t you worry about Boris, he’ll be okay. And we say to the EU, keep your banana straightening machines away!”
So it’s just bluffing it out all the way?
“And some bullying too. Anyone who gets in the way of Boris will be like a Japanese child on a rugby pitch.”
His supporters may have priced in Boris Johnson’s flaws, but I’m not sure the rest of us can afford it. Boris as PM? He’ll make a Titanic success of it and I know that the lies will go on…