GEOGRAPHY SPECIALIST : The man who discovered the lost city of Dover, in a freakish moment of geographical revelation, has announced he has embarked on a new expedition to cover himself in more glory.
“I aim to uncover the door of 10 Downing Street,” hard thinking adventurist, Dominic Raab, told a sparsely attended press conference, “some say it can not be found by me. Or that if I do it would be foolish to enter it right now, with the dark star of Brexit in the sky. But I have more ambition than that. I have a buccaneering spirit that protects me from reality.”
In order to better his chances of success he has also looked back to history.
“History is littered with lost and dead adventurers. Men who led their teams off the beaten track never to be seen again,” he added, “I will do better than that. With me at the helm we can vanish without trace! And I am reaching back into history to guide myself and my team of energetic amateurs to glory.”
There followed lines about national humiliation and renewal that were uttered by men famous for seeking new territories in the late 1920’s and 1930’s. Which seemed more than unwise to us. Actually incredibly irresponsible. And proof of the veracity of the headline to this article.
Also more than a little clueless. He talks about the UK being humiliated in talks with the EU, when he led the talks that led to the humiliation he’s so upset about? He really is in search of reality.
“When we break down the 10 Downing Street door and enter our journey will only just have begun,” he added, “the ancient cup of Brexit awaits within and I will seize it.”
He mustn’t have heard that all who seize it perish. Or he’s too self-admiring to understand if he holds it he’ll go the same way.
“Competency is no barrier to elevation. I am proof of it.”
At least he got that right. Good luck Raab, with your talents, you’re going to need it.