As the race to find our next hapless Prime Minister completes its first lap, more details have emerged about the televised debate that will take place between the final two candidates.
The BBC have announced who will chair the debate, and in a break from tradition, the job will go to Jeremy Kyle.
“We wanted someone who was used to holding his own amongst such a high level of backstabbing, lies and manipulation,” producer Dee Bates explained. “None of our usual presenters have quite the right training in that, but Jeremy just seemed perfect.”
It comes at just the right time for Kyle, whose long-running ITV show was recently axed. When asked for comment, he replied:
“It’s a challenge and no mistake. I know I’m used to dealing with family feuds and paternity suits and all that backstabbing, but the majority of today’s tory politicians are a whole different level of human scum.”
He subsequently confessed to calling Jerry Springer for additional advice on the matter, although what his American counterpart said to him he is keeping firmly under his hat for the time being.
“I’ll tell you that after the debate,” he added, with a grin.
To provide additional commentary, the BBC have also enlisted the help of David Attenborough, whose experience of observing wild animals is second to none.
“David is just the man we need for this,” Dee Bates added. “He can interpret the behaviour of wild animals, so he should be able to make some sense of the leadership candidates.”
The combination of Jeremy Kyle and David Attenborough must rank as one of the most unlikely television pairings of all time, indeed this reporter can’t think of anything to beat it.
The debate will take place on june 16th.