UKSNAFU : Reassuring news from government today that a much needed technological solution is being sought for the entire U.K. government.
“It’s because if the Universal Credit fraud f*ck up,” a sober looking Chris Grayling told LCD Views tonight in an exclusive, “to be honest I welcome it. Being the omniscient spirit of governance is actually pretty tiring. I don’t know how deities do it. Imagine if I ran the universe? I’d be knackered. Although on the plus side, there wouldn’t be a universe.”
The technological solution to takeover from the current set up isn’t yet invented, or is it?
”We actually think an Atari games console from the 1980’s has sufficient power to do a better job than us,” Grayling shrugged, “I mean, come on, have you seen the list of things we’ve f*cked up? It’s kinda long. The Universal Credit fraud f*ck up is just the latest in a long line of disasters.”
It’s hoped the technological solution will be identified and put in place in time for a No Deal Brexit later this year.
”Can you imagine this mob attempting to keep you fed and medicated after tearing up the entirety of our global trading relationship? Wow. The mind boggles.”
But it’s not all bad news, regarding the astronomical Universal Credit fraud f*ck up.
”You were wondering where we got all the money for the No Deal Brexit fund? Or how Farage was funding his Brexit Party? Well, I can’t say on the record, and this is probably all made up, but some of the names of benefit claimants in the fraud look more than a little made up…”
Global Britain. We do things differently now. We do them badly. Very badly. SNAFU.