INTERNATIONAL BULLY CHAMPIONSHIPS : UK’s next entry into the International Bully Championships, Boris Johnson, has promised to stand up to tantrum throwing twitter twatter, Donald Trump, by hiding behind the Downing Street sofa.
”Oh golly, gosh, has he gone yet?” Boris Johnson said earlier today, from behind the sofa where he is currently staying. Wherever that is, “sssshhhhh. Keep it down. Just flick the lights on and off twice when he’s gone. Got it? Roger? Wilco? Foxtrot? I’m not here. Tell him I’m not here.”
The confirmation of the bold strategy of the man most likely to be the UK’s next prime minister has been welcomed by the civil service.
”It’s reassuring to know Mr Johnson will have our backs in a hostile and changeable international landscape,” a FCO source said, “even if he’s only got our backs so he can stick the knife in if he calculates it suits his short term interests.”
To help make a success of the hiding strategy it’s understood even now that Mr Johnson has asked his girlfriend, and the next First Lady of the United Kingdom, a certain Ms Symonds, to go shopping for,
”the biggliest, bally sofa you can find. Just make it huge. If you can’t find one big enough to hide my bulk behind then buy two big ones and we’ll put one on top of the other.”
Other measures are also planned to stand up to Donald Trump.
”Mr Johnson will be writing formally to the President to request he appoints Ivanka Trump as the next U.K. ambassador to the USA. That ought to do it. Who needs a diplomatic service anyway? What’s if ever done for us? Boris will be using the services of 55 Tufton Street for all that.”