The latest round of indicative votes reveals that Parliament is mightily sick of the whole Brexit charade. It has voted, decisively, for the Cabinet to re-enact the famous closing scene of The Young Ones.
The scene will be updated, naturally. A contemporary luxury coach, emblazoned with misleading slogans and base lies, will be used instead of an old Routemaster. The entire useless cabinet will be substituted for the four useless students. But Cliff Richard will still accompany them on their journey into the abyss.
This, members hope, will create a constitutional crisis, meaning that Brexit will have to be postponed – maybe indefinitely. After all, having voted to annihilate the executive, the parliamentarians are hardly likely to follow them over the cliff edge.
We’re all going on a summer holiday. “It will be easy to persuade them onto the bus,” said conspirator Elle Eventhour. “They didn’t vote, so they spent the evening getting pissed. We have put a crate of Champagne in the Brexit Bus, and put Elgar on the stereo. It will be almost embarrassingly easy.”
No more working for a week or two. “Or ever again, if our plan works,” adds Eventhour. “It’s the ideal way out of trouble. We can go back to the EU and plead special circumstances. Call it a Brexit dividend.”
Fun and laughter on a summer holiday. “Yes, I know it’s only spring, but so what?” argues Eventhour. “They will enjoy their short drive off a high cliff. I bet they will bray with insane laughter as they fall. Everybody’s happy.”
No more worries for me or you. “It will all be over,” sighed Eventhour. “Then we can all relax. We have programmed the playlist on the coach, so that the bus will go over the edge as the final verse of Summer Holiday plays out.”
For a week or two. “Yes, I suppose someone else will have to take over,” admitted Eventhour. “But first we all need a clean break!”
We’re going where the sun shines brightly. Sunlit uplands? Unlikely, but right now we would settle for Bognor Regis.