The powerful, just the most powerful, powerful, really very powerful policy think tank set up by the Conservative Party to win the next general election has hit on a killer electoral strategy.
“We’re going to make everyone, everyone broke,” a beaming F. Field MP revealed,
“since I agreed to chair our new electoral strategy team, Backwards, I’ve not had a good idea, but I’ve nailed it now.”
Details of the master plan are secret, but Mr Field let us have a peak under the cover of his notebook.
“If everyone in the United Kingdom earns less than the tax threshold, no one will pay tax, and everyone will love us. then we can claim a Labour government will raise your taxes!”
Mr Field has drawn a love heart next to “us” to illustrate his passion.
“Now we can go out and argue Labour will cause your taxes to skyrocket and be credible, unless we ruin everyone first?”
Mr F. clearly belongs to a party that knows its business, even if it doesn’t know anything about business.
But Labour have poured scorn on the strategy.
“Unicorns,” their policy guru retorted, “we will give you more unicorns. We’re going to get the best possible deal, unicorns, that will mean a lot to people going bust outside of both the single market and customs union. Unicorns. Then we’ll find which island the 1% has its money on and tax the sands. We don’t need to be inside the largest trading bloc on earth to take action against tax evaders. No. We need to be broke.”
It was in that moment that the guru’s face darkened as he realised Backwards had essentially parked Tory tanks on Labour’s new, redder lawn.
“This won’t do. Making everyone poorer is the essence of a job’s first Brexit!”
We left him to work out which way was onwards and how to do it by going backwards, before the Tories do.
The key to solving the riddle is to do with their policy on Brexit…