LCD Views cooking correspondent is pleased to have been chosen to preview “How to serve your fellow man after Brexit”, by publishers Disaster & Con.
“I’m having trouble getting all the ingredients for the long pig bubble and squeak,” Mr Man Cook begins,
“although I can imagine that won’t be as big an obstacle shortly after the U.K. crashes out of the single market and customs union.
This book will be a boon for hardware and weapons sellers too.
You can expect security services to be so busy patrolling the beaches to stop people emigrating, that it should be open season in small towns for not only looters, but hunter and gatherer tribes too. This book is going to prove an indispensable resource. Especially if Rees-mogg does make it to PM.”
The updated edition features not only new recipes, but a foreword by famous economist Patrick Minford.
“A car park,” Mr Minford begins, “I won’t be satisfied until the whole of the north of England is a car park.
We can hold car boot sales of the remaining national assets then and ‘lucky dip’ bring a neighbour bbq’s.
We didn’t quite get there in the 80’s, but we’ll bloody finish them off with Brexit.”
Mr Minford then goes on to extrapolate on the mentalgasm he will experience when the last of manufacturing is closed down.
“It makes perfect sense to manage the decline of the last of our shrunken manufacturing base,” he continues,
“pulling a service dependent economy like ours out of the single market is sheer genius.”
The harder the crash the better, he urges.
“Then we can set out hunting and eating each other and elevate the entirety of society to a purity of essence not seen since the Donner Party got lost in the snows.”
While Patrick Minford is clearly insane, his recipe for the future prosperity of the United Kingdom, is one of self reliance and traditional skills base.
“I recommend getting your copy of ‘How to serve your fellow man after Brexit’ today, before the paper stocks run out.”
And follow the recipes in the book carefully, cooking times are essential to good food hygiene.
“Remember too,” adds Mr Man Cook, “rationing won’t last forever. Best to be at the back of the line. That way you can catch others when they fall.”
Retail price is currently only £9.99, but that is expected to rise exponentially as the currency collapses later this year.
Pre-ordering is encouraged. So is learning to fight. Fast.