Chemists working at the Nobel Institute for New Forms of Semtex, NINFS, have issued a public warning today that every major news source, bar LCD Views, failed to pick up and run with.
No fearer of a lit fuse attached to a tub of 17th century era gunpowder and a plot, we are giving you the warning that you should have received already.
“Hazardous materials,” Professor Bang began in his weekly warning about something new that blows up,
“We here at the much loved NINFS specialise in making materials more hazardous. But even we have a line we will not cross outside of a laboratory.
I mean, I am absolutely gobsmacked that somebody should think mixing a Brexiter with a fact IN THE HOME was sensible?
What did they think would happen?
BANG! That’s what happens. A big bang too.
We are concerned about the risk to public safety, especially family dinners exploding out of hand at weekends. We ask all people not to do this.
Leave it to the authorities.
They have the bunkers for this sort of research.
Leave it to us. We get funded and we get a lot of funding for this sort of work. It’s great work if you can get it. Send us your CV today.
But yes, it’s important to work out (for the love of God) how to get a Brexit supporting votes to mix with a fact without blowing up, but any voter who still thinks it’s a good idea? Well, they are exceptionally dense and flammable!
Think of magnesium and water.”
The Professor inhaled and continued,
“Remember those old westerns you watched as kid? There was always some cowboy blowing something up with nitroglycerine? That’s the sort of risk we’re looking at.
If you do accidentally mix a fact with a Brexiter, and actually get them to mix, not just slide off one another, for the love of God stand well back.
Do not light fuse. Do not shake or agitate further.
You got it?
Wait until our institute works out how to do it without an explosive reaction. Or maybe it’s not the work for us? Maybe it’s a medical science thing. But we’re going to have a go first because we like things that go…
The statement ended with a warning not to try this at home, but seriously, how will science advance if we don’t?
Light fuse and stand well back!