“The kids have been banging on about a puppy forever,” Figel Narage told LCD Views’ Happy Families columnist. “I think it’s too much responsibility, for me.”
But it seems the kids have won out?
“So I said, fine, okay, you can have one, but it can’t be from a shelter because those dogs all have mange.
And most are foreign anyway brought into the country by bleeding heart libtards and then just dumped on the street for the hard working, honest British taxpayer to look after.”
Our correspondent asked how he knew this, for a fact?
“It was in the Daily Fail. Front page. Every other Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Monday and Friday.”
“It’s going to be a surprise. A Christmas surprise,” Mrs Narage quietly interjected, from her chair in the corner.
Her input forced a tired sigh from Figel.
“She’s put them up to it.”
“I didn’t darling. Every child should have a puppy. It teaches them to care for others.”
The interview paused for a little while so Mr and Mrs could discuss the pros and cons of a puppy, we suspected it was not for the first time.
“It’s going back as soon as it grows up,” Mr Narage finished the debate. “I’m only prepared to transfer so much of my hard earned money out of my account in Jersey to pay for poop bags and food.”
But won’t the children be devastated? They’ll have fallen in love with it only to have it taken away, seemingly arbitrarily?
“Listen snowflake, when I was a boy my dad used to keep a dog to set on the neighbours when they came about pestering for cups of flour. That was a good laugh.”
But what does that have to do with today?
“The children will be fine when the puppy goes to a shelter. They’ll just have to pull together and make the best of it. It’ll harden them up and set them up to make a success of life.”
And what will you call the puppy?
“Sovereign, or Half Sovereign. I haven’t decided yet.”
“Christmas Day is going to be beautiful.” Mrs Narage nods.
“Yes. And the random date I pluck out of a hat to get rid of the dog is going to be even better.”
But what if the shelter will not take Sovereign back?
There was silence a moment, until Mrs Narage commented quietly,
“We’ll just have to tell the kids we lost Sovereign and dump it.”
And for the first time in the interview, Mr Narage smiled.