DIY WRONG : The Government is truly in the CRAP again today after an experiment to make Brexit work went wrong, as everything Brexit always does.
“Shortly before 5am this morning officers of DExEU’s armed wing intercepted a piece of Stonehenge being returned to the UK, on the understanding it would be restored in the famous monument by careful archaeologists,” a Downing Street spokesman informed the press, “It is understood the prime minister decided to overrule the British Museum and entrust her Transport Secretary with the honour, because of all his efforts to make her look good.”
Chris Grayling apparently readily accepted the honour, dressed like the villain priest from Raiders of the Lost Arc (the better to complete the ceremony) and proceeded to Wiltshire.
“It appears all was going well until Mr Grayling began an incantation while inserting the piece of stone into Stonehenge,” the spokesman explained to a pale faced press corp, “it’s unclear exactly what language Mr Grayling used, but it was inflamma-tory. He later claimed the spell was designed to harness the power of the ancient stone to make Brexit work. This is when things went wrong and the entire bloody thing exploded.”
Additional reports suggest the government intended to blame Gavin Williamson for this, by saying he had directed the army to let him conduct a live fire exercise in the area, but that spin was abandoned when they remembered they’d already fired him as payback for something else.
“We would like to reassure the public that although Stonehenge is gone, Chris Grayling was unhurt by his latest disaster and walked away whistling, as he always does, regardless of the scale of the calamity he leaves behind. As big a mystery as Stonehenge is, we mean, was.”