President Donald Trump has moved this afternoon to pour oil on troubled waters after his retweeting of a certain ultra nationalist, racist, delusional British local community groups fabricated posts caused some people to question whether or not Trump maybe a little bit racist?
“Let’s put minds to rest,” he said, speaking from a white bedsheets naming ceremony, “The fake news media are all is Donald a racist? Is Donald an unstable bigot who’s gonna get us all killed because he’s too narcissistic to let a fat kid in North Korea play with rockets so he’s got to go and tweet something shocking to get the attention back, well”
It went on like this for a considerable time until he offered the confirmation and reassurance of his position on race relations that was asked for.
“From now on, every morning when I’m on the toilet and I’m normally tweeting out whatever bullshit is going through my mind, I’m going to stop all that. That ends now.”
He stopped talking for a moment in order to set fire to a cross on a lawn before continuing,
“I’m going to save all the shock and questions and just start tweeting out Mein Kampf. Page one. Line one. Word one. Starting tomorrow. The author is a personal hero of mine and many of my bestest friends.”
He did add later however, to clarify, that as his struggle is with reading and writing he would be having one of his aides do the actual tweeting.
Asked to respond to the President’s statement a MP from HMG was reluctant to condemn the president, because he’s our friend.
LCD’s ‘How low will we allow ourselves to sink?’ correspondent will have more on this later, once he’s finished throwing up.