LONDON, NEW YORK – Yesterday the permanent members of the U.N. Security Council, led by the UK and the US, passed a resolution calling to hold a worldwide referendum on a Planexit to determine whether Earth should leave the Solar System. Already, the planet’s stock markets have plummeted.
According to the former British foreign minister, Boris Johnson, the planet spends too much on other planets of the Solar System.
“Each year, we spend billions of dollars on research and development on our neighbouring planets,
”Frankly, we don’t give a fuck about hydrogen creation or fertilizing the soil on Mars. People are weary of seeing stuff from space moving into our orbit without any form of restriction.” The down-to-earth MP added: “Those bureaucratic geeks in the space agencies are out of touch with reality.”
Critics say the proposal is unrealistic and suspect the Russian secret services of steering a powerplay in the U.N.
Renowned physicist Jim al-Khalili stated that “leaving the Solar System might seem appealing to many people without a physics degree, but it is not easy to put into practice.”
The British Foreign Office has cast these comments aside as “fake news” and “elitist scaremongering”.
American president Trump reassured that ‘Earth First’ does not mean leaving the Solar System immediately:
“In the meanwhile, we will cut the funding of NASA and ESA and other nerd agencies to invest in things that really matter, like completing the wall with Mexico to halt alien incursions here on Earth. Furthermore, during the transition period we propose, we would still be able to continue to mine Mars, the losers’ planet, for the resources needed to build the gigantic nuclear device that will set a new spatial course for our own people and make Earth great again.”
The referendum is scheduled to take place next year, but this time table is blocked by some ‘Planextremists’ in the Council. They reason that the concept of year is biased toward the heliocentric camp.